#Question&Answer: [iDey#6]

Hello Mr. Lekki, good day, my name is Dorothy (Mrs.), I've been reading your blog, I actually heard from someone a Facebook friend, and I get your mails also, thank you for the mails. I will rather say I had some confidence in you to send you this message, because I believe God can provide solutions from anywhere or through anyone.

My case is that of childlessness. I and my husband we got married in August 2000, and since then we have been happy apart from the fact we always wake up to the scary fact that we have no child. I want to be very open about this, because I have been very worried about my husband, I know he loves me and he believes in the marriage, but he really does need a child (a son at best); and well, I have been praying, and I believe God has a good reason for everything, and God’s time is the best.

The problem now is that I believe my husband is seeing some other lady. I know he loves me, but I don’t know the lady in question, but as much as I know she’s much younger than me (maybe a bit younger) and I know she’s one of those numerous women out there having something to do with taking what’s not theirs. I’m worried what if she gets pregnant for him? And I don’t know what to do; and it’s also affecting my relationship with him (physical and Spiritual); sometimes I must confess, I get scared, maybe I may not say the details here. But please what do I do sir? Should I confront him about the affair? Or should I go out to find who the woman is.

Good morning Dorothy, I got your email and it is quite a touching story. But it’s solvable, yes it is. Don’t be worried, because like you said you believe in God, and that God can do all things at His time.

Now the first problem I see here is the problem of infidelity; What I see as the main problem is that your husband is cheating on you (if it be that he’s really seeing some other lady) so that means he’s unfaithful; it could be you had children and he could still be doing the same thing, so please stop feeling that it Is happening because you have had no children yet.

So let’s treat the issue first as a case of infidelity.

You didn't really say if there were health issues involved - why the both of you have not had children yet. Are there health issues involved? If the answer is a ‘Yes’, then is your husband aware of the health issues? Is it from him or you? If all these details are put together then you both should look at the possibilities of having a child from the available facts (and you both will start working together to achieve the possibilities in achieving the possible) It’s a task. It’s like every other challenge that befalls every marriage (that’s why we have the ‘worse’ in the “…for better for worse…” clause!) So what then? Your husband should know he’s part of the exercise. Seeking another lady outside is the most wrong move for him.  He should know that if there is a possibility, then that possibility should be sort out for. But for you now ma, you have to take things easy, don’t be scared, for fear will make you get delusional, and make the wrong moves.

As for the absenteeism of the-love-of-a-child which the both of you have experienced for close to 16 years, I advise for couples (who are in similar conditions) to adopt a child (that is, while you still believe God for a child). The main core fact lie on the heart of love you express to that child. At a classic point, you will tend to forget that the adopted child is not your biological child; everything depends on the heart of love to the child; yes you can adopt, that would definitely put a lifting to the problem - yes it will. But then, the wrongs must be corrected first; he (your husband) should know better that this is a task to be focused upon, then efforts should be made to work out the possible.

So finally, “Yes” confront him about the (suspected) affair (not in a quarrelsome manner anyway – but with wisdom) in a bid to recall his attention back to the facts and proper ways of solving the problem (pray about this: it’s very important). Then secondly, “No” don’t go out to seek the woman. When the internal lapses are cured and taken care of, the woman will leave almost automatically. Do not be afraid anymore please. Talk to your husband, because the success of everything (in such a case) depends on almost 70% of his efforts. You may also refer him to us for further counseling on your behalf.

Thank you.

#King.

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