Question&Answer: [iDey#9]

Hello MR. LEKKI, a friend of mine told a friend of hers about your blog. She has been reading your blog and believes you’re like a Genie or something!(she’s quite a fan of yours, I think you should give her a reward**Lols*). She made me send this question anyway for her friend who is the person that has the problem. Please we need an answer.

My friend’s friend Nancy (not her real name but to protect her identity); Nancy has dated a certain man for 7 years, they started dating in University. According to Nancy, she has never had any other boyfriend but him. But now 7 years later, he is in love with a partner of his. She’s much older than him, but he still doesn't mind, and he is so engrossed in the illicit relationship. Nancy thinks he has been bewitched. She thinks the only way her man can be so dumb into such is only for foolishness. She had confronted him severally cos’ of the matter tho, but the last time I think he got violent with her, and hit her.

Nancy now doesn't understand. She’s really confused and very much shy to talk about it…

Any way out?

Gabriella, Johannesburg.

Hello Gabriella from Johannesburg. Thank you for your question and the accolades.

And it’s a very good thing that you’re helping your friend get answers to her relationship problems…very well done! That’s why we’re here, to help.

For your friend Nancy, I think she should take it easy, because for a good relationship to thrive there should be no forceful elements involved, if there’re forceful elements of any kind (like in disagreements, and forceful decision taking/making especially), then it becomes something else, it’s no longer a “re-la-tionship”. Why I say this is because of the details of the situation (even though that might not be the entire gist) from the details, they have been together for a long time (even from College – and I think Nancy should’ve been more distinct to distinguish the time they were together ‘in-College’, and the time they have been together ‘outside-College’…**this matters a whole lot*) Why, because circumstances surrounding College dating, and outside College romance has a lot of part to play for the both parties. For instance in this circumstance (let’s for once put aside the aspect of “being-bewitched”), let’s believe our friend is in his right mind, he is acting with his full state of mind; what could be the factors that make him tend to a more older lady? Why does he forfeit a long time relationship with her for some other (new) one? More so, it could be that he sees relationship now from a mature perspective; and also as I earlier said the College-dating doesn't really count (or even if it does count, from observations it could count negatively, because (most times) he will be looking at his relationship (in the past) as ‘immature’ and may seek something more mature – this depends anyway); But these are all my psychological speculations. It could also be that maybe the love is not there anymore. No matter the reason for the season, Nancy should know that there’s always a good run for a second chance. If "he” (his name wasn't mentioned!); if he will be most gentlemanly and STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE and be a gentleman and call off the relationship with Nancy (maybe over a candlelight dinner**recommended*) like a gentleman, then I think (and everyone thinks) that things will end in a good mood, a cool mood, and everyone can move on.

Love is not by force, I always say, because for love to thrive there should be a total demonstration of two way communications, truthfulness, mutual agreements, and similitudes. If these do not exist, it is almost useless to continue pushing I would advice.

So for Nancy, let her take a leave off him for a while. If he really wants her, he will come back...on the meanwhile, let her take a break. And if he continues for longer, she can move on.

#King

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