Question&Answer: [iDey#12]

Hello MR. LEKKI, thank you so much for the emails. I wanted to ask, (maybe you can answer or not), but I just wish to let this out of my heart: Why’s is that men, they prefer to have 5000 girlfriends, spend for this 5000 girlfriends, but refuse to just marry 1 wife and settle down with 1 person. Why are men so scared of marriage these days?

Any clues?

‘Lola, Lagos.

Thank you 'Lola from LAGOS. Well, the answer to your questions is actually like a collection of most things we have been discussing on the blog for quite a while now (if you can take out time to view most blog posts, you will have deeper insight). But nevertheless, the closest answer to your question can be seen as the fear or lack of commitment. Yes, I know a lot people will be of the opinion that the men that do this (date "5000" women as you've said) they are also committed in some way to them all. 

Hence the million dollar question now is, "So why’s that they feel more relax to commit to “5000” than just “1” person".

  

The answer is simple. There’s what we call the "Psycho-mental" tendencies of most men. When we say ‘Psycho-mental’, it can be deduced as a subconscious stimuli that propels most men to feel more “relaxed” in temporal relationships than permanent ones (like in a case of marriage). Though this is a tendency pertaining to only those who are yet to develop the "abilities" to overcome this bad habit. I call it a "bad-habit", because as time goes, it moves from just a mare “let me get out of my shell”, to “a habit” of keeping many women at the same time. This I’m saying from a male perspective, but it can also include on other factors like the false belief many men have by thinking that they are more in control when they have power over many women (temporarily). But this is a false belief, why because at the end of everything, it will be better that one man is committed to one woman which inadvertently, will reduce all pressure that may come from emotional tasking, financial, etc towards several women at the same time.

Hence, men prefer to be ‘free’, which they have stretched to include "relationship freedom” by not being committed (permanently) to one woman. This is wrong. Because as you rightly stated, more time (or times) many men are committed to more than one woman, and this inhibits more expenses, more emotional traumas,  not to mention the whole idea of him (the man) on a ‘mass cheating spree’ of all those he is dating together at the same time.

It is actually a senseless venture I would say, for a man to have many women all at once in a relationship, rather than to narrow down to one, and thus be committed to that one, focusing all attention to that one. I can't really say men are "scared" of marriage, rather I see it as a complexity of commitment issues.

Men always tend to seek freedom, which they believe they can get when THE RING is not in their finger.

#King.

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