Question&Answer: [iDey#14]

Hello MR LEKKI, Happy New Year. I’m writing from LEKKI LAGOS Nigeria. I've been reading your blog since last year. I had this very pressing problem, but I just kept my peace so as to see if things may change for me, but no, rather things have gone from worse to worst, and I have had it up to my crown that I have to spill it out. My question MR LEKKI is: is it wrong for a woman to love a man? I know this may sound as an awkward question, but my case is of love gone wrong or I don’t know maybe something else? I am a lady of 33 years of age; I married when I was 24 years old. And the marriage has produced two lovely boys (our boys); but my husband over these years has been like a transition from light to darkness. I mean, before we got married, he showed me love that I've never experienced before then.  I was envied by my co-NYSC mates (then I was serving in Kogi State), then we got married soon before my passing out from the service. Praise (my husband) and I met one certain day, when he came to visit his sister serving in the same Orientation Camp that I was. He was well placed then in an Oil & gas company and he was very handsome. After my youth service, I got a job through my husband in an Oil & gas firm too in LAGOS Nigeria. Sincerely after our marriage, life changed for me and Praise, at least for him, not for me, because I loved him more. But for Praise, Praise changed almost overnight completely. After the first year of our marriage, it was as if Praise went back to whoever he was maybe in his University days, or so because it wasn't even the same Praise I met as a Bachelor. He no longer comes home for 2, or 3 days. Sometimes, I will be left alone with the boys for nights. After 9 years of marriage, Praise doesn’t makelove to me anymore (as I’m writing this, Praise has not touched me for 5 months). What did I do wrong? Is it because I love him?

Hello dear. Thank you and Happy New Year. We are happy to receive your message. We have been receiving a lot of responses and we have been providing direct counsel and solutions, (without publishing on the blog); but considering your issue deals mostly with a whole lot of other issues we are experiencing today in societies and marriages, we then decided to publish your story.

This is a typical issue affecting most young marriages today. Most marriages suffer a “downward slope” effect during (mostly) the first 3 – 5 years of marriage. A lot will depend on what the couples discovered during their courtship period; and secondly, most couples notice some adverse traits of their partners’ during the period (courtship), but still fail to take note of RED FLAGS, and either immediately seek counseling, and or pre-marital consultations, to mention a few, and seek solutions from these proven aspects towards a successful marriage. But rather they go ahead into the marriage hoping “it will be well”; Well, what this always does is to put the couple to the risk of a turbulent marriage ahead. Only a perfect-flushed marriage can stand. Because after the first 3 – 5 years has elapsed, and the couple begins to react and counteract (for every action, there’s an equal or opposite reaction), counteracting to diverse differences which probably they failed to take note during courtship (or simply swept under the carpet during and after courtship); a few more years may pass by, then the consequences will begin to set in. If the marriage doesn’t collapse within the first 3 – 5 years window, then a little more time is added (like yours that is about 9 years now) and then it comes to a gridlock. That is what your case is now.

But the solution is simple, because it has been checked and you both are learned, educated, and professionals with children, so other factors that may have influenced the circumstance are naturally alienated. And from your story, it though seemed your courtship window was too short (maybe less than 1 year).

But the solutions are simple. For solutions, pls email us@: idey4lekki@greatharvesters.com.ng

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