Question&Answer: [iDey#16] - 'Valentine Specials!'

Hello MR LEKKI, I choose to ask: “How best can someone stay away from someone she loves, in other not to be hurt? Though some relationship experts say: ‘having multiple dates so as not to be fully into one…?”

Hello dear. We are happy to receive your message. We have been receiving a lot of responses and we have been providing direct counsel and solutions, (without publishing on the blog); but considering your issue deals mostly with a whole lot of other issues we are experiencing today in societies, relationships, and marriages, we then decided to publish your story.

Firstly, I want to state that the question kind of contradicts itself. Why did I say this? If you love someone, you may not wish to “stay away” from that person, and secondly, by staying away from someone you love, you’re already hurting yourself!

Though the situation may arise wherewith the one who loves is not having enough response, or receiving enough attention (or time) by whom he or she loves. Well, this circumstance can be because the two may not be in the same geographical location, or the other is always at work in a distance location, etc. No matter what the situation is, it will be absurd to advice people in love to ‘stay away’ from each other, because that would worsen the situation. Though the question can be asked: “What do I do then when I’m not getting enough attention of my loved one, and I don’t want to be hurt by missing him or her so much, and I want to balance that equation by dating someone else…” This may sound wise, but there’s a reversal to this point of view: what if you experience the same circumstance between two or three more people? A lot of people have tried this methodology: dating several people to have a balanced attention, but most times, they end up depressed, heart broken, and missing out on their true love. Why? Because it is popularly said that:- “You can’t serve two masters at the same time…” and even if it seems it may be possible for one to share his or her emotions between two or three people, so also one may receive low or no attention from two or three people also! A one circumstance can be replicated if the right methodology is not applied…hence, the solution doesn’t lie in multiple partners. For instance, imagine what happens when you have a bad relationship experience between two or three people? Not mentioning the fact that you will be “cheating” between the two or three of them! Dating more than one persons at the same time, may not solve the problem rather the following schedule can:

1.    Learn your partners time schedule (is he always on a special duty? Like a doctor, or a soldier, etc) I mean, you won’t expect your partner to call in the middle of a surgery, or in the middle of the battle field: “Honey please hold on I will call you back, I’m fighting in the battle field right now…” ***Boom, Boom, Boom, bomb shells go off* Lolz.

2.    Is there a communication gap? Do you both need to address your communication compatibilities? Is something bothering him or her? Hence, you make out time to find these out; because it could be he or she is having issues which he or she may find difficult to address.

3.    Is the love still there? Make out time to find out if your partner is still in love with you. Make out time to go out, go to the movies, the beach, and interact to know what is happening between the both of you,

4.    Always be positive; do not feel that he or she is avoiding or not creating time for you deliberately. If he or she is not creating time for you deliberately, then see if no. 2 above is the issue.

5.     If it becomes obvious that he or she is avoiding you for no certain reasons, then it could be that no. 3 is the issue, then you make out time for prayer and guidance from the REAL EXPERTS (not those that will advise you to date multiple partners, that is a BIG NO!).

In a nut shell, if no. 5 is the issue, seek to make amendments in ways that may be lacking: That is, “maybe there’s something I do that is not right”, “maybe I’m taking things the wrong way”, etc (and not also leaving out the possibility that someone else could be in his or her life), no matter what the circumstance is, dating several people may not be the best way out or else we all will be in a dysfunction world.

But NEVERTHELESS, you have the right to move on, if it is obvious that he or she is completely not interested anymore, and is not playing his or her own role to fulfill the basic requirements of a good and reliable relationship.

#King

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